So the Thing About Loneliness is…
I have a myriad of friends who struggle with relationships in hopes of one day experiencing “true love’s kiss.” But what if since the fall of humanity away from our relationship with God (Genesis 3), loneliness and the potential for mate-lessness is one of the consequences? According to a 2020 Pew Research study, 41% of people 18 to 29, and 23% of people ages 30 to 49 are likely to be single. In these age ranges, women are less likely to be single than men. “Black adults (47%) are much more likely to be single than White (28%) or Hispanic (27%) adults.”* Welcome to our broken world.
How then do we choose to satisfy our loneliness?
The itch of loneliness invaded my life early. I had my first crush in kindergarten. His name was Marvin. I looked at him across the room, that’s all. But those innocent tugs on my heart served as a precursor of a desire for a relationship I would want to satisfy. But a healthy (not perfect) relationship is not automatic. I had too many detours along the way. I settled for relationships where not a single item on my dream guy checklist had a check. But at least I was not alone. I’m not the only one.
More than just me believed that love and lust were the same guy when he really didn’t love you. Then some settle for the lie that a same sex attraction relationship can fix their loneliness. Instead of doing the hard work of seeking God’s will, forsaking our own desires, and leaning on Him for strength, we settle for the guy or the girl who really aren’t who we need. As a result, we end of brokenhearted. Our perspective on relationships is colored by our bad experiences. There is a better way God would have us fix the loneliness that lurks within.
Many people try to satisfy the loneliness dilemma on their own with immoral sexual relationships, same-sex relationships, adulterous affairs, etc. I can relate. But, I came to a point in my life when I was tired of the disappointment of the broken heart at the end of trying to quench my heart’s longings. When I threw in the towel, God began to reshape my thoughts. I discovered that there is joy in the heart that does the hard work of pursuing God.
The medicine that eases the aching of loneliness is best administered in doses of Matthew 6:33 which says to seek God and His righteousness because God knows what we need. In following, as we desire to do God’s will, He gives us those things that we need. Truth be told, not everyone will get a husband. However, we may be pleasantly surprised at how good the gifts are our Father God wants to give us. As I pursued God and followed the footsteps He placed before me, one of the gifts He placed in my path was my husband.
