Two Become One

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How long have you been dreaming about your wedding day?  You know what the dress will look like: strapless with a lace covered train flowing gracefully to the ground or simple, maybe not even floor length?  How will you wear your hair, an up-sweep or down with curls?  Will the reception be held at a hotel ballroom with a dance floor and a large variety of food, or in a garden with fresh flowers in bloom all around?  Maybe you plan to host a destination wedding where you get married on a beach in the Caribbean while the waves lap softly over the shoreline?  If you are already married, did your wedding match your dream?

The wedding plan for many is easy and full of hopes and dreams.  You struggle to find just the right person God has planned for you.  And once you do, the honeymoon period only lasts a few months before real life sets in. What happened to my happily ever after marriage?

Marriage brings together two people from two different families with two different personalities, and priorities, to make one unified family.  And that is where the challenge begins.  If one spouse is a planner and the other spontaneous, who wins?  Do you stop and think about every step, every decision, or do you do everything on impulse?  What about mixing an extrovert with an introvert?  One enjoys staying at home while the other is the life of the party.  Do you shy away from parties or do you attend every function you can?  What then happens?  For a lot of people, frustration.  And if the frustration isn’t addressed, a lot of time it quickly leads to anger and many times to divorce.  But how can that be since God created marriage and yet didn’t create people a like?  The Bible says in Matthew 19:5 “… a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh’”.  How do I stay married or get married to someone who is different from me?  The old adage says that opposites attract, so if we are opposite, is that really good?

Yes, it is good to be different, and yes, it is more work to consider someone else when doing things.  If both of you were savers for example, you may limit yourself unduly as you are too concerned about having money for every possible emergency.  In the same fashion, if you both were spontaneous and never stopped to consider the impact of impulse spending on your overall budget, you may not at times have money for unexpected bills or emergencies.  So, thank God for giving you someone who is not 100% like you.  Appreciate the differences and you walk together as one family unit.

Additional resource: Uncommon Marriage by Tony Dungy

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