What makes a good man good

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Before I went to college, I was unwilling to bear the risk of sleeping around with someone I could not see myself with for the rest of my life. By the end of my second year, peer pressure from my new college friends had taken hold of me, and I had become far more interested in casual sex than a monogamous relationship that might lead to marriage. While trying to impress my friends, I engaged in casual sex and bragged about my encounters. Fitting in seemed to be more important than the values I had upon entering the university.

Fortunately, I came to the realization that fitting in was stripping me of who I really was on the inside. It was impossible to see this until a young lady dumped me on Valentine’s Day for ignoring her. The man in the mirror had to change. My behavior was selfish and deceitful.  I could no longer go on misleading women to gratify my sexual desires.

If I could attend college all over again knowing what I know now, I would choose sexual purity. My friends and I were having a great time with no thought of the consequences. Although we were exploring and discovering ourselves, in actuality, such behavior had the potential to inflict emotional, spiritual and physical distress on us.  According to Jess Lair of Montana State University, “[s]exual intercourse . . . leaves indelible marks on the participants . . .  and [t]o believe [anyone] can walk away from a sexual experience untouched is dangerously naïve.”

In 1 Corinthians 6:13, the Bible says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”  After all, “God designed sex to be a core bonding experience between two people in marriage,”  and His word cannot be any clearer on the subject. In college, I wish someone had told me that God designed sex to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage.

As free moral agents, we have to choose to affirm God’s laws by obeying them, or affirm our independence from God by operating according to our own will. Although disobedience and ignorance of God’s commandments are inexcusable, sexual responsibility is an ongoing struggle. The airwaves are rampant with sexual imagery. Plainly put, men are stimulated by visual images. What’s a guy to do?

When society perverts God’s perfect intentions for sex the results are adultery, pornography, prostitution, abortion, disease, loss of intimacy, distrust, deceit, rape and sexual molestation. I believe “[A]bstinence from sex until marriage is key for building intimate and long lasting relationships. It draws two people closer together emotionally and is a special time when each person can spend time getting to know one another.”   Too many men take shortcuts that circumvent the cultivation of deep, nonsexual friendships with women. If I could do it over, I would desire to honor women as God would have me. Imagine the outcome if more young men took a stand!


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